Now What?

Hi friends!

Long time no see? Well, write. Talk? I don’t even think people read this… Wow. So yeah it’s been a while. Woops. Sorry. Ugh. How is everyone? I’m terrible at keeping up at this.

So basically I’m Stitch, and Lani is telling me WRITE. She’s mad that I haven’t been posting on here. She’s telling me to WRITE NOW. She said IT IS TIME TO WRITE A POST because it’s been a month.

Aside from my Stitch obsession, this video describes me right now perfectly.

As Jack said, after creating something amazing, it’s hard for anything else to be good enough. After that poem I wrote in my previous post, inspiration seems to have left the building. After creating something that I found to be so meaningful, so powerful, creating something new seemed to be impossible. Suddenly I found myself in a world of AP testing and EAP testing and Track Finals and building a boat for physics and suddenly writing became lost. Sitting down to write something became a drag, and the only thing even worth updating was My Adventure Book Page. Suddenly I came down from that amazing high I had from my poem, and was instead dragged into an abyss of boring, stressful, typical teenage life. Like everything you do in life, accomplishing amazing things can be one of the worst things to happen to your passion. Once you reach a milestone, or the ultimate goal, suddenly reality hits, and it’s just like “what now?”

To me, this is why so many Olympians, especially gold medalists, choose to continue their careers, even if they are past their prime. They have no idea what to do. They have finally reached their ultimate goal, and every morning they no longer have something to get up and get excited about. After training so hard, for so long, accepting that that phase in their lives is done, can be hard. Not knowing what you’re going to every morning, or where you’re going to go, can be really scary.

This brings me to another point: I probably worry and fear way too many things. That’s why I haven’t posted. I was afraid that this post wasn’t going to be good enough to match the power of the others. The same thing goes for my life. I’m afraid that what I’m doing won’t be good enough. Maybe what I’ve done already will be my best. And maybe I’m not working hard enough, or doing enough, or making it perfect enough. I dislike not being in that sense of control. And as my junior year of high school comes to a close, I have realized that I will be a senior and I will be graduating next year. Nothing is going to stop that. Then I have to go to college only God knows where. And then I have to get a job. Most of the time I can’t even decide what I want to eat for lunch, and I’m expected to know what to do for the rest of my life?

The future is scary. The future is coming. And I still don’t know what to do.

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